marylin monroe.


lucky 29.
i've been wanting to post on my lj for so long even though i haven't.
i'm not sure why i've wanted to post or what makes it so attractive, but i want to remember all my old usernames and look into my past. that and i'm looking for my photobucket login... just the username.

right now i am laying in bed, it's 7:06am & i smell a scent of jasmine lotion. i want to eat the crescents i made last night. i also want to start my dream journal again. although not with last nights dream because it disturbs me. i'm not sure what platform to blog about my dreams on.

i don't think people blog anymore. i think they post selfies & tumble now.

woe is me.

it's cold out of the blankets. i should probably get up. maybe instead of starting a new journal ill use this for my dreams.


life seems so much more meaningful in words. i don't want to start my boring day, but i should. i should crawl out of these sheets & eat and maybe live a little. just maybe.

marylin monroe.


i am truly frustrated with my life. i know things don't go "according to plan" and everything is randomness but I'm pretty sure somewhere along the lines... My life went spiraling down a chaotic fall landing in rocks and went splat at the bottom.

the other day i watched a movie where a korean man lived in a camp his whole life where he was tortured and when he got out money frustrated him so much he preferred the "simple life" that he had in the camp because he just had to survive not worry about everything other people think about.

it made me think about what people do with their lives and how he thinks he had it easier inside the camp rather than the outside.

i don't really know where i'm going with this. and i'm not sure i should compare myself to a korean man that was severely tortured because that is unjust and completely barnacles.

i really want to just start over. take my money, quit my job, drive to chicago and just live.

i think it would be exciting to hitchhike the galaxy but the possibility of being raped and dying comes to mind. :|

bundy, dahmer, gacy.
not on track.

Gotta pick myself back up by realizing I don't need people to be happy. I just need to be.